California Gurls
by Onataria
Summary: After the success of Nationals, Sue, Kurt, Santana, and Brittany travel to San Diego to perform at the Internationals where they run into an old rival.  Sue/Kurt mentorship, Jesse/Kurt  Part of the 'Glee A to Z Kurt One Shot Series.


A/N: Hello all my fans and welcome to the first of my new 'GLEE A to Z KURT ONE SHOTS'! I've started a thread on a website/forum that I cannot mention properly due to the hot-linking reasons and I didn't want to be a hypocrite and not do one myself so here I am! I've written out a list and will try to write out them all. At the very least, I am writing out another five on top of this! So please enjoy!

PS: I've put a reference to a certain Disney movie in the fic somewhere!

Disclaimer: Glee belongs to Ryan Murphy and Twentieth Century Fox. 'California Gurls' belongs to Katy Perry. If I owned Glee, I would have had Jesse being outed during 'Journey'.

I dedicate this story to GeniaWontStopBelievin! Your very smutty untitled fanfic of inspired me!

California Gurls

The day had finally arrived. The day where Kurt Hummel, Santana Lopez and Brittany Woods would either truly make something of themselves or become a disappointment in the eyes of their coach Sue Sylvester.

Pulling up in front of the San Diego conference centre, the entire team of William McKinley's Cheerios felt their hears tighten. Unlike their usual attitude, all of them were more nervous than they've ever been. Some were conveniently throwing up into Sue's own brand of Cheerios sick bags. A few of the others were gripping their armrests tightly. They had every right to be this nervous. They weren't at any old conference or competition. They with the crème de la crème, the elite, the best in the world. They were one of the lucky few to be invited to the Internationals.

The students left the bus quickly, grabbed their changing bags and headed towards the entrance of the building. Sue led the way forward, a sharpness in her step. She was closely followed by her power trinity consisting of Kurt, Santana, Brittany. The blonde cheerleader linked her arm through her latina best friend's arm and grasped her male companion's hand as well. Unlike the rest of their team-mates, these three were the complete opposite in nervousness. Anyone around them could feel the 'H.B.I.C' vibe coming from them.

Once everyone was inside the building, they made their way towards the changing rooms. Along the way, Brittany unlinked her arm from Santana's and pointed into the crowd. "Hey look," She said to her friends, "There's Mr Schuester's son." Kurt absent-mindedly turned towards the area she was gesturing. From there, he could swear he could see a flash of curly brown hair that was somehow familiar. He decided to brush it off and turn around. "Focus Brittany," He stated firmly, "Today is all that matters. Not some fantasy." Santana nodded in agreement.

The group arrived at the changing facilities and began to spilt apart to go to their specific areas. Kurt, however, never left his friends sides and moved with them. A stewardess stepped forward to direct him elsewhere but the combined stare the three of them gave her, that could challenged Sue in coldness, sent her scurrying down the hallway. Sue let out a loud "HA!" at the sight of her mini Sues-in-training and followed them in.

As her champions in the making began to change into their uniforms, Sue spoke quickly, "K,S,B!" The three of them looked up and caught the three packages she threw at them with hardly any effort. "Put these on!" She said. She then turned to talk to everyone. "Okay, everybody listen up! This is it. The big time. We've been here four times before and failed but this time we've got something different and it's not the only pomegranate diet I've got you on."

Sue smirked and gestured towards Kurt as he was folding away his Prada shirt. "K over here is going to give us that edge that will have those Thais weeping into their crabgrasses."

Kurt smiled as he finished getting dressed, zipping up his messenger bag. He moved it against Brittany's bag and turned to listen in on Sue's talk. "Let me make this perfectly clear," Sue began to finish her speech, "For every point off of the top 30 score you lose me, one of you will lose your seat on the plane home and I'll sell it to a Mexican immigrant trying to sneak into our country."

Suddenly, the centre's tannoy system announced it's presence in the locker rooms. "Attention, would the McKinley Cheerios please make their way to the performance arena." Moved by this new request, Sue clicked her fingers and her megaphone was instantly brought to her. She raised it to her lips and shouted into it. "GET MOVING OR YOU'LL HAVE TO SURGICALLY REMOVE YOUR POM-POMS FROM YOUR ASSES!"

Having just been heavily motivated, all the cheerleaders, now fully changed into their uniforms, ran out of the room into the corridor leading to the stage. As they power-walked along, they saw a fellow competitor moving in the opposite direction. Brushing past a rather large group of them, they could hear them shouting about "What team? Wildcats!" Santana rolled her eyes and carried on walking. Kurt muttered, "Commoners..." under his breath and moved forwards with the group.

Eventually, the group arrived at the main entrance of the arena. Sue sopped them in their tracks and turned to wait for their entrance to be announced. Fortunately, they didn't have long to wait. "Next to enter the arena, we have got the winners of this year's American Nationals. So please give it up for Sue Sylvester and the McKinley High School Cheerios!"

Sue stepped out first, giving a general wave of acknowledgement to the cheering crowd that awaited them. The audience roared in delight at her appearance in the arena. Turning around, she motioned for her cheerleaders to follow her inside. Obeying their coach, the now steely calm teenagers moved forwards out of the tunnel and began to spread out around the floor. Once they were evenly spread out, Sue turned to the DJ and signalled him to start the music.

A faint pulse began to surround the room as the music began to play. The male Cheerios began to clap their hands above their heads and encouraged the crowd to join them in applauding. Brittany and Santana emerged from the crows wearing a glittery version of their uniforms and spoke calmly:

_(B+S)_

_Greetings, loved ones_

_Lets take a journey._

They then ran forwards to rejoin their team-mates. As they reached the middle, they dropped down suddenly. As soon as they began to arise from the floor, Kurt moved forwards out of the group. Instead of his usual red sweatpants combo, he was wearing a rather tight pair of red shorts with the usual female Cheerios top. He moved forwards and began to sing just as the music began to move into the first verse:

_(Kurt)_

_I know a place,_

_Where the grass is always greener,_

_Warm, wet and wild,_

_There must be something in the water._

_Sippin gin and juice,_

_Laying underneath the palm trees (Undone),_

_The boys break their necks,_

_Trying to creep a little sneak peek (At us),_

_You could travel the world,_

_But nothing comes close to the Golden Coast,_

_Once you party with us,_

_You'll be falling in love,_

_Ooo ohh ooo ohh ah, Ooo ohh ooo ohh ah._

As he approached the chorus, he quickly reached into the group of his fellow cheerleaders and pulled Santana and Brittany forward to his side. He then encouraged them to join him in his singing. He quickly caught Sue's gaze and saw her nod her head as if to urge him to sing:

_(K+B+S)_

_California Gurls, We're unforgettable,_

_Daisy Dukes bikinis on top,_

_Sun kissed skin so hot,_

_We'll melt your popsicle,_

_Ooo ohh ooo ohh ah, Ooo ohh ooo ohh ah._

_California Gurls, We're undeniable,_

_Fine, fresh, fierce, We got it on lock,_

_West coast represent,_

_Now put your hands up,_

_Ooo ohh ooo ohh ah, Ooo ohh ooo ohh ah._

By this point, all the Cheerios were pulling off rather fancy and difficult moves that no ordinary cheerleader could perform. Sue stood still, keeping one eye on her performers and the other on the judging panel. 'My god,' She silently thought, 'Who picked these chumps? A former Miss California, a washed up soap opera star and a woman that looks like she belongs in a relationship with Ellen Degeneres?' She slowly shook her head in disbelief and gazed at her stars. The girls were all being flipped into the air by the more muscular boys and Kurt had returned to the center of the group and started to sing the next verse of the song:

_(Kurt)_

_Sex on the beach,_

_We don' mind sand in our stilettos,_

_We freak in our Jeep,_

_Snoop Doggy Dogg on the stereo (Oh oh)_

_You could travel the world,_

_But nothing comes close to the Golden Coast,_

_Once you party with us,_

_You'll be falling in love,_

_Ooo ohh ooo ohh ah, Ooo ohh ooo ohh ah._

_(K+B+S)_

_California Gurls, We're unforgettable,_

_Daisy Dukes bikinis on top,_

_Sun kissed skin so hot,_

_We'll melt your popsicle,_

_Ooo ohh ooo ohh ah, Ooo ohh ooo ohh ah._

_California Gurls, We're undeniable,_

_Fine, fresh, fierce, We got it on lock,_

_West coast represent,_

_Now put your hands up,_

_Ooo ohh ooo ohh ah, Ooo ohh ooo ohh ah._

Suddenly, Kurt jumped out of the middle and high fived Santana. She then pushed herself towards the crowd and oddly began to rap:

_(Santana)_

_Toned, tanned, fit and ready,_

_Turn it up cause it's gettin' heavy,_

_Wild, wild Westcoast,_

_These are the girls I love the most,_

_I mean the ones,_

_I mean like she's the one,_

_Kiss her,_

_Touch her,_

_Squeeze her buns (Ahh)_

_The girl's a freak, She drives a Jeep & lives on the beach,_

_I'm okay, I won't play,_

_I love the Bay just like I love L.A,_

_Venice Beach and Palm Springs,_

_Summertime is everything,_

_Homeboys hanging out,_

_All that ass, hanging out,_

_Bikinis, tankinis, Martinis, No weenies,_

_Just a king and a queen-ie,_

_Kurtie my lady,_

_(Kurt)_

_Yeah_

_(Santana)_

_You're lookin here baby_

_(Kurt)_

_Uh huh_

_(Santana)_

_I'm all up on ya cause you're representin California_

Just as Santana was drawing near the end of her solo, Kurt readied himself for the big trick. He signalled to Brittany to start and ran forwards. When the time was right, the two them pushed forwards into an extraordinary trick. At exactly the same time, the two Cheerios ran into a set of somersaults. While the blonde cheerleader had stopped at three, Kurt had kept on going until he had done seven of them in a row directly towards the middle. The audience cheered even louder at Kurt's remarkable feat. He then began to finish the song with his friends:

_(K+B+S)_

_California Gurls, We're unforgettable,_

_Daisy Dukes bikinis on top,_

_Sun kissed skin so hot,_

_We'll melt your popsicle,_

_Ooo ohh ooo ohh ah, Ooo ohh ooo ohh ah._

_California Gurls, We're undeniable,_

_Fine, fresh, fierce, We got it on lock,_

_West coast represent (Westcoast Westcoast),_

_Now put your hands up,_

Ooo ohh ooo ohh ah, Ooo ohh ooo ohh ah.

Somehow, as Kurt reached the end of the song, he finally understood what Mr Schuester said about his winning Nationals song. At that moment, he knew that they had won. He moved side by side with Santana and Brittany and finished the performance:

_(K+B)_

_California, California Gurls,_

_(Santana)_

_California Gurls man,_

_I wish they all could be California Gurls,_

_(K+B)_

_California_

_(Santana)_

_I really wish you all could be California Gurls_

_(K+B)_

_California Gurls._

A small silence fell as they finished their performance. For a moment, the entire squad started to doubt the scale of effect of their song. It was only when the entire arena burst into massive applause that they felt relief.Kurt, Santana, and Brittany moved together to the front of the group and lead them into a bow. When they raised up from the second bow, Sue had reached them at the front and shared a final bow with them. Once they had finished, the squad ran towards the tunnel they had entered from.Everyone was cheering as they headed to the waiting area. All Sue knew was that this was finally the year where she took the world by storm.

"Ladies and Gentlemen," The rather glamorous ex beauty queen said, beginning the announcement of the results, "We have been debating long and hard over the amazing performers from around the world, and now we have finally made our decision."

All the cheerleading groups from around the world were gathered inside the arena. Every team stood together in their squads, all clearly displaying how truly nervous they were. In the Cheerios group, all the girls grasped at their male friends for support. Brittany held both of Santana's hands tightly. Feeling all alone, Kurt held his arms around himself. Suddenly, he felt a strong hand grip his shoulder tightly. He looked up slowly and realised who it was. Positioned directly beside him was his mentor Sue. He recognised that this was how she showed comfort and compassion. Feeling better than ever, he returned his gaze to the judging panel.

"In third place with the bronze, all the way from the Netherlands, it's the Amsterdam Milkmaids!"

Kurt's heart jumped for joy as the team in blue & white uniforms moved forwards with a facial expression that mixed acceptance, upset and relief at the same time. A blonde cheerleader held the small trophy high for a second or two, then quietly left the stage to return to their place on the floor. Kurt found his right hand quickly picked up and held by a smiling Brittany. He smiled back and refocused on the announcements.

"And now, your 2010 International cheerleading champions are..."

The room held it's breath and many fingers were crossed. Kurt felt a strong pain as Sue's grip on his shoulder tightened so hard it could have drawn blood. The blonde judge was handed a small golden envelope. She carefully tore it open and pulled open the contents. Quickly reading the slip, she returned her gaze to the awaiting competitors.

"... America's Nationals and now Internationals winners, William McKinley High School's Cheerios!"

The room burst into a roar of cheers and applause so loud, the roof could have been blown off any second. Kurt found himself pulled into a massive bear hug by Sue. She held him tightly, speaking quietly into his ear, "You did it, you really did it Ladyface!" They were soon joined by a crying Santana and Brittany. Breaking apart, the four of them ran onto the stage to join the already celebrating team-mates. A television news crew from the area followed them and called Sue over. "Sue, Sue!" They shouted, "After five attempts at the Internationals, you have overcome the odds and won the coveted first place trophy. What is the secret of your success?"

"Well it all comes down to three things," Sue began to explain proudly, "First, you have got to be committed. Never give in, as my old drill sergeant used to say. Second, you have to have challenges. I personally fins that having a strong rivalry with my crazed wax and gel obsessed colleague - He knows who I mean - is a great way to perfect my strategic mind."

Sue's hand reached out, caught a hold of Kurt's shoulder, and pulled him in. "The third thing you've absolutely got to have is talent," Sue continued, "Without talent like Kurt Hummel here, all you'd get is a bunch of flat-chested wannabe socialites trying to be attractive."

"Do you know where you'll put the 12ft trophy?"

"I know just the place!" Sue said, with a look of deep concentration on her face.

With her interview over, she ushered everyone off the stage and back to the changing rooms. The girls ran through first, cheering loudly and shaking their pompoms as they went. Sue, Santana and Brittany went next, mere metres ahead of the stronger male cheerleaders carrying their new trophy.

Kurt walked behind them, texting on his phone. He was halfway through typing a message when a voice called out to him. "Kurt Hummel!" He looked up from his phone to see whoever was trying to talk to him. His eyes widened in shock at the sight of who it was.

Approaching him from a small distance was Jesse St James, the former member of their rival glee club Vocal Adrenaline, who also joined New Directions in order to seduce Rachel Berry, approaching rather fast with a little smirk on his face. Kurt straightened himself up and braced for

whatever was coming.

"Why hello Jesse St James!" He said brightly, "For what do I owe the displeasure?"

Jesse chuckled slightly as he came to a stop in front of him. "I'm just here cause when I heard that you guys won Nationals, I had to see you win Internationals."

"I guess that's the closest I'll ever get to a compliment from you." Kurt said sarcastically. "Come on St James, what's the real reason?"

Jesse raised his eyebrows slightly, surprised at Kurt's bluntness. Shuffling his feet forward, he backed Kurt up against the wall. "You wanna know the real reason?" He asked. Kurt nodded silently, being a little flustered. "I'm here for you!" He finished quickly.

Before Kurt could reply, Jesse dove his head in and planted his lips upon his own. He tried to resist, pulling away slightly. 'No way is he stealing my first kiss," Kurt thought. Meanwhile, Jesse was working his magic with his hands. His right hand had gone to the side of Kurt's face, holding him gently, while his left hand gripped Kurt's ass firmly.

When Kurt had finally pulled Jesse's lips off of his own, Jesse quickly launched down and began to nibble at his neck. Kurt felt like he was about to fall over. He had never felt a feeling like this before. Before he knew it, he found himself gripping Jesse's shoulder for stability.

"You look so hot in these shorts." Jesse said between kissing his neck. "R-Really?" Kurt shuddered in response. "Yeah," Jesse answered, "You're sexy, your vocals are to die for and your ass is divine!"

For some reason, hearing Jesse say those words flipped a switch in Kurt's brain. At that moment, he was turned on and didn't care who he kissed. He grabbed Jesse by his head, pulled him in and mashed his lips upon his own. Jesse smirked and became extremely into it, pushing his tongue into his mouth. Their tongues moved together, battling for dominance.

After about five minutes, the two of them were quite a sight. Kurt was now straddling his hips, legs wrapped around his waist with his hair now a mess. Jesse had both his hands inside Kurt's top, rubbing his back. They were really getting into it when Jesse felt a strong tapping on his shoulder. He broke the kiss to turn his head around when a large light flashed in his eyes. He blinked harshly, trying to get over the flash. When he finally opened his eyes again, he began to panic.

Standing, with a look of pure contempt on her face, was Sue Sylvester. Santana & Brittany were right next to her, both clutching a rather fancy camera. "C-Coach?" Kurt stuttered, still intoxicated from Jesse's kissing.

"St James, kindly remove yourself from my champion before I do it for you," Sue said calmly, "Bearing in mind that my method involves several broken bones and the loss of your genitalia."

Jesse quickly dropped Kurt and stood up straightening himself up. Kurt was pulled away from him by Brittany. She wrapped her arms around his waist tightly, refusing to let go.

"So here's how it's gonna work St James," Sue began, "You're going to leave now and forget this ever happened because if you ever come near Hummel again with the intent of stealing his virtue, you'll have as much chance of making it on Broadway as Lindsay Lohan does, trying to live down the fact that she was once a lesbian. You see, Patti Lupone and Bernadette Peters just happen to be old family friends. So when I show them these photos of you, your dream will be dead."

For a moment, Jesse just stood there. His eyes blinked furiously for a few seconds. He looked at Kurt for a moment, with a look that was apologetic for a small time, then ran down the corridor in the opposite direction. Santana smirked at the sight of the former show choir rival fleeing like a dog with it's tail behind it's legs.

Kurt felt a deep blush spread across his face as he stared at Sue, silently fuming. "Sorry Coach..." He said, feeling very sorry.

Sue brightened up very visibly and turned to face Kurt. "No need to apologise, K," She said with a hint of laughter, "You're young and as randy as a sailor on shore leave, not to mention that you'll probably never get any action in Lima. Just be more careful in the future who to let shove their hands down your pants."

"Just be thankful it wasn't Puck!" Santana added, smirking again.

"Now come on you little champions, the sooner we get back to the hotel, the sooner I can swallow the contents of an entire crate full of champagne bottles." Sue laughed.

The four of them walked down the corridor, knowing that for the first time, they were almost like the perfect family.

A/N 2: That turned out a lot better than I thought it would. I'm glad it got this done so quickly. So here's the good news: I've already started my next one. I'll give you a hint. It's a deleted/alternate scene for 2x02 Brittany/Britney! So please read and review! Review speed me up!


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